I have a lot of people tell me I am sweet. It’s not that I mind being thought of as sweet, its just I’m really really not. Not even close. I feel like you, my readers, should know the truth about this. So I have written down several scenarios to show you what takes place in my mind compared to what takes place in real life;
Scenario #1
I say, “You look really cute today.”
You say. “Thanks I got this top at Macy’s. It was on clearance for $12, regularly $150!!! And these shoes are so old, seriously I’ve had them for like 12 years, they just never wear out ya know?? And I’ve lost some weight, like 1.7 pounds actually.”
What I’m thinking. “Dude are you really STILL talking?? I only said you looked cute in the first place because we have absolutely NOTHING in common and something needed to be said to break the awkward silence. Throw those shoes away! Seriously do not keep them any longer!!”
Scenario #2
You say, “Good Morning”
I stare at you blankly
What I am thinking. “I cannot believe this person is talking to me. I mean I just woke up.” I then try to remember how much I like the person who is talking to me. Should I be responding?? Is this relationship important for my future???
Scenario #3
You talk to me while I am reading; you notice I am slow to respond. YEAH, BECAUSE I AM READING!!!!
What I am thinking, “Have I said enough words to pass as polite??? Do I need to continue to talk about how my day went, or how your day went???
Scenario #4
You say, “I can’t believe its Monday again.”
I say, “Yeah, I guess we need more caffeine”
What I’m thinking, “It comes around once a week, you’d better get used to it and stop complaining that it’s Monday every Monday!!! Is it just hard for you to believe that there actually IS a Monday??? Sometimes you confuse me.”
Scenario #5
My customer says, “I just can’t decide, what do you think?”
I say, “Yeah that looks really good together that red will really Pop!”
I’m thinking, “Listen lady, it looks horrible. I have told you 100 times you do not want red floors, red cabinets, and red countertops. Your friends will make fun of you. But you’ve been in here 4 hours contemplating, wanting me to tell you that it looks awesome. So here is my stamp of approval, Have a wonderful life in your Santa Clause house!”
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Song Lyrics
I really LOVE music. Really everything about it. But my very favorite part of all music is the lyrics. Some of them just speak to you, move you, and make you feel alive. While thinking about this during my insomniac hours last night I have come up with a few of my very favorite “song quotes” and have decided to share them with you along with why I love them so much;
“Baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxesAnd you keep it real while them other stay plastic” –B.O.B.
See now until I heard this song on the radio I honestly didn’t know that guys were looking for a girl who follows the rules of modern civilization, such as paying their taxes. I didn’t advertise myself as a girl who does in fact pay her taxes. This ignorance on my part could very well be why I am still single.
"Eenie meenie miney mo. Catch a bad chick by her toe. If she holla, let her go" - Justin Bieber
Several things. First I think all of us single girls can agree that the way we want to be “caught” is definitely by the toe. And Justin Bieber is the FIRST person who has ever recognized this in a song. And not just any song but a song that brings nursery rhymes into the lyrics. Is this talent? I think so.
“I don’t want to see a ghost; it’s the sign that I fear the most. I’d rather have a piece of toast.” -Des’ree
The truth is we would all rather have toast than see a ghost. I mean am I the only one whose soul these lyrics speak to?? Mmmmm, toast.
“And I met a girl, she asked me my name, I told her what it was.” -3 Razorlight
Sometimes a song leaves you hanging, your wondering what happened next and it NEVER tells you. That is so frustrating, which is why I love these lyrics so much, it tells you exactly what happened. Now you know. You don’t have to wonder.
“Here’s a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama, fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama llama duck.”
Truly I have no words.
“Baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxesAnd you keep it real while them other stay plastic” –B.O.B.
See now until I heard this song on the radio I honestly didn’t know that guys were looking for a girl who follows the rules of modern civilization, such as paying their taxes. I didn’t advertise myself as a girl who does in fact pay her taxes. This ignorance on my part could very well be why I am still single.
"Eenie meenie miney mo. Catch a bad chick by her toe. If she holla, let her go" - Justin Bieber
Several things. First I think all of us single girls can agree that the way we want to be “caught” is definitely by the toe. And Justin Bieber is the FIRST person who has ever recognized this in a song. And not just any song but a song that brings nursery rhymes into the lyrics. Is this talent? I think so.
“I don’t want to see a ghost; it’s the sign that I fear the most. I’d rather have a piece of toast.” -Des’ree
The truth is we would all rather have toast than see a ghost. I mean am I the only one whose soul these lyrics speak to?? Mmmmm, toast.
“And I met a girl, she asked me my name, I told her what it was.” -3 Razorlight
Sometimes a song leaves you hanging, your wondering what happened next and it NEVER tells you. That is so frustrating, which is why I love these lyrics so much, it tells you exactly what happened. Now you know. You don’t have to wonder.
“Here’s a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama, fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama llama duck.”
Truly I have no words.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
How to Flirt- Grace Style
I really enjoy expanding my knowledge with reading. Reading is my passion, and I really learn so much from it. Recently I was expanding my horizons reading an article in Cosmo entitled “Flirting Moved No Man Can Resist”. This article is very helpful. I have outlined some of the key points with my comments attached for your reading pleasure. Here they are;
· At a bar or coffeehouse, use the tip of your tongue to lick beer or espresso foam from your lip. I have found out that this can be a tricky one because sometimes if you get the whip cream or beer foam say up your nose, it is not nearly as sexy trying to get your tongue up your nose to get the foam out.
· Pull your hair loose from a ponytail holder or clip so he can watch your touchable tresses fall around your face. I have tried this one many times and it has so far never been as nice as it sounds. Has anybody else ever heard of pony tail hair?? When I pull my hair loose it has a crease in it about at chin level, I’m not positive but I don’t think this is a sexy look.
· Grin and hold his gaze for three seconds. Then bite the corner of your lip and look down.
Be very careful when biting. If you bite your lip too hard it will bleed. A lip bleed is the sort that just keeps bleeding. It runs down your face, gets on your white shirt and all over your hands. Unless your guy is into this awful new bloody-sexy look this will be very bad. So just be careful.
· Walk past him, then slowly swivel your head halfway toward him, rest your chin on your shoulder and smile. This asymmetrical pose shows that he's hot enough to literally turn heads. Once again this is one to be careful with. When your chin is resting sexily upon your shoulder it will be very straining to your neck, it has so far never pulled a muscle or given me a permanent crink, just general soreness. The real danger however lies in not seeing where you are going, blinding moving forward while looking at your man can result in tripping, running into other people or things, or falling off the dance platform. These incidents can lead to broken bones, bloody knees, or ultimately death.
· At a café, dip your finger in your dessert, put it in your mouth, and slowly pull it out while eyeing a hot guy. This is also the international sign for “I need gum”
· At a grocery store, ask him to help you reach the orange juice on the high shelf. Ahh, the “I’m completely helpless and cannot possibly do anything for myself act” Always a winner among men.
· Trip and “fall” against a cutie, be sure your boobs are the first thing to reach him. Yes I always, always catch myself with my boobs. These are not something that I would, for example, protect at all costs.
· At a bar or coffeehouse, use the tip of your tongue to lick beer or espresso foam from your lip. I have found out that this can be a tricky one because sometimes if you get the whip cream or beer foam say up your nose, it is not nearly as sexy trying to get your tongue up your nose to get the foam out.
· Pull your hair loose from a ponytail holder or clip so he can watch your touchable tresses fall around your face. I have tried this one many times and it has so far never been as nice as it sounds. Has anybody else ever heard of pony tail hair?? When I pull my hair loose it has a crease in it about at chin level, I’m not positive but I don’t think this is a sexy look.
· Grin and hold his gaze for three seconds. Then bite the corner of your lip and look down.
Be very careful when biting. If you bite your lip too hard it will bleed. A lip bleed is the sort that just keeps bleeding. It runs down your face, gets on your white shirt and all over your hands. Unless your guy is into this awful new bloody-sexy look this will be very bad. So just be careful.
· Walk past him, then slowly swivel your head halfway toward him, rest your chin on your shoulder and smile. This asymmetrical pose shows that he's hot enough to literally turn heads. Once again this is one to be careful with. When your chin is resting sexily upon your shoulder it will be very straining to your neck, it has so far never pulled a muscle or given me a permanent crink, just general soreness. The real danger however lies in not seeing where you are going, blinding moving forward while looking at your man can result in tripping, running into other people or things, or falling off the dance platform. These incidents can lead to broken bones, bloody knees, or ultimately death.
· At a café, dip your finger in your dessert, put it in your mouth, and slowly pull it out while eyeing a hot guy. This is also the international sign for “I need gum”
· At a grocery store, ask him to help you reach the orange juice on the high shelf. Ahh, the “I’m completely helpless and cannot possibly do anything for myself act” Always a winner among men.
· Trip and “fall” against a cutie, be sure your boobs are the first thing to reach him. Yes I always, always catch myself with my boobs. These are not something that I would, for example, protect at all costs.
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