Analyzing red neck

           As many of you know I have recently moved to the big city of (the outskirts of) Seattle. This has been a big change for me since I grew up in a town so small there were no stop lights. The town I grew up in may have changed since I haven't been back in a long time, and I have no intention of going back anytime, ever. However it was the epitome of a red neck town. There were deer heads mounted to the front of pick up trucks, piles of horse manure in the grocery store parking lots, and for fun everybody drove up and down the main stretch of road, (about ten blocks) cruising. 

           My move to the city has opened my eyes to who I am. While I am finding that the city is awesome in some aspects, shopping, concerts, fancy restaurants. Great opportunity, (hello good job!). Amazing churches. Close to the airport. Shopping (I may have already mentioned that but it bears repeating). The truth is, I don't love the city. I miss greatly the wide open spaces, the woods, the lakes. The solitude. I do not love the four hour traffic jams, and the snooty Seattle people, and the dependency of everybody who lives here. Most of the guys I sell closets to don't even know how to take a shelf off the wall.

        Because of my stunning realization that I am not a city girl I suddenly got scared that maybe after all my running I have turned into a red neck after all. So I decided some googling research was called for. (the best kind of research!) I googled red neck and a song came up called "Red Neck Girl". For those of you unfamiliar with the song, here it is;

Well, I ain't never been the Barbie doll type
No, I can't swig that sweet Champagne, I'd rather drink beer all night
In a tavern or in a honky tonk or on a four-wheel drive tailgate
I've got posters on my wall of Skynyrd, Kid and Strait
Some people look down on me, but I don't give a rip
I'll stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip
'Cause I'm a redneck woman
I ain't no high class broad
I'm just a product of my raising
I say, 'hey ya'll' and 'yee-haw'
And I keep my Christmas lights on
On my front porch all year long
And I know all the words to every Charlie Daniels song
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah
Victoria's Secret, well their stuff's real nice
But I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal-Mart shelf half price
And still look sexy, just as sexy as those models on TV
No, I don't need no designer tag to make my man want me
Well, you might think I'm trashy, a little too hardcore
But in my neck of the woods I'm just the girl next door
I'm a redneck woman
I ain't no high class broad
I'm just a product of my raising
I say, 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw'
And I keep my Christmas lights on
On my front porch all year long
And I know all the words to every Tanya Tucker song
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah
Hey, I'm a redneck woman
And I ain't no high class broad
I'm just a product of my raising
And I say, 'hey y'all' and 'yee-haw'
And I keep my Christmas lights on
On my front porch all year long
And I know all the words to every ol' Bocephus song
So here's to all my sisters out there keeping it country
Let me get a big 'hell yeah' from the redneck girls like me, hell yeah
Hell yeah, hell yeah
Hell yeah
I said hell yeah!

So yeah. I almost have no words. I would like to say that I now know for sure I am not a red neck girl! I do need a designer tag. I will not go to wal-mart and buy camo underwear. I do not say hey y'all (although I do have a city friend that does) I do not say Yee-haw! My Christmas lights are down THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS! And Im not really sure who would be proud to be barefoot in the front yard with a baby on each hip. Although to be fair I do hate Champagne and love beer.